Cry to Me; Sing to Me

Maybe living this life isn't what I thought it would be. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be here. I wasn't supposed to do all the things I've done. It's not like I've made any head way in turning my life around. Everything is still nothing & I am still pathetic. I can't go a day without seeing myself in the mirror & wondering why I look dead. Maybe that's what I should be.

I can't do a single thing right. I can't look at my life & say "hey! You've done great! Pat yourself on the back homie!"

Remember that old folk tale parents & teachers used to tell their kids about the king who everything he touched turned to gold? Well it's like that in many ways. Except everything I touch, brakes. Every person I come to contact with, I mess their lives up horribly. I become a burden to them.

Those who don't know me, are lucky.

I think it's funny, I've had all these thoughts of looking down upon this blade. I have two. & everytime I see them, I start to get chills, like it's calling me or something. No I don't hear voices although that would be awesome. Maybe one of them could help me out just a little.

I feel worthless with everything. I'm never good enough. I don't take amazing photography. I don't take peoples breath away when I try to sing. I'm not smart enough to get into great colleges. I'm not tall enough, I'm not pretty enough. I'm nothing. I'm absolutely nothing. I'm a piece of shit that shouldn't be living.

I can't feel anything. I want to, but I can't. I've lost everything in me. I've lost my will to begin a new day, I've lost a real smile. & none of it will ever come back. I know it won't. Nothing will change.

I want to die. I want someone to slit my throat & watch me choke on my blood while I slowly fall to the floor gasping for a single bit of air. I want someone to rip my heart out & stab it until all that is left are little pieces to be thrown away so that no one will ever have to come into contact with that heart of mine again. Every finger nail, every strand of hair, every inch of me, I want it to be set to flames & burned in the darkest place on Earth so I will never be found. I want to bleed to death even when my body is only ashes. I want to suffer for the remainder of the life of Earth itself.

This is what I want to happen to me soon.

& if it does, then this is my letter of permission for it.

-LiveLoveTy