I'm not ready to say it.

I thought I didn't have to? I thought you wanted me to say it when I was ready?

This is all going too fast. I'm not ready for anything. I've said "I love you" to too many people and didn't mean it. I say it cause they say it first and I feel bad for not saying it back.

But now, fuck.

what makes us?

who we are..
It seems clearer to me now, more than ever, that life is a quest to find yourself. It's not about how many friends you can make or how many hearts you can break. It's not about finding love or falling out. I've learned through my last relationship that games, love games, are not worth it. Messing with people's emotions and minds hurts them, and you in the end. Do you see?
She figured me out so she ended it. I was crushed, nearly begged that night for it not to end.. Pathetic, right? But my heart said so. I fell in love while she fell out. Love is not a game, nor a challenge to suceed. Love is love and real and whole hearted.

I've been with this girl for about 3 weeks now, and it's gotten me thinking...
I can't figure her out. Maybe that's good, maybe that's bad. But now my 3 month girl is coming back begging this time. What do I do?
What can I possibly do in this situation?



LiveLove-LoveStruck-Ty

Ouch

How can I be so stupid? So blind...to my own feelings. The feelings that are kept inside my own body. My heart, my soul, everything. How can I just pass that up for one more kiss to a girl who could never compare to the real. What makes life worth living when you're not with the person you're meant to be with? Am I really meant to be with them then? What makes people so...so, inhuman. If you really love someone, you should be with them. If you REALLY love someone, you shouldn't be with anyone else, no matter the feelings. Love is love. You can't change what you feel or the feelings you have had when you're with them. What am I thinking? How can I so wrong? How can I let myself do the things that will hurt you the most? It's not purposely but it's in my subconscious mind that I do them. I can't control it. I don't know how.

But what if, things are meant to be this way. What if, I meant every word I said those nights laying in bed next to the girl that isn't you. What if, what if, what if, WHAT IF. The stupid 2 words that always trigger someones mind to wonder and think about WHAT IF this happened, or WHAT IF I did this different... as;ldfkj UGH This life, this world, you, me, he, she, we are all just merely players. We play a game to see who can be let down and hurt the most for everyone elses fun. We are all, sins. Sins, in a way that no one should be accepted. Yet,

none of us really are.

-LiveLoveTy.

Moving Out

I am finally going to be free of my house in 3-4 months. I am so excited. I know it will be hard living on my own, but now I will have no cops or mothers involved in my life. Things will be awesome. Money will be an issue. Buttttt I will be living with my amazinggg girlfriend hopefully. I know it's too soon to ask, but I think with the way things are going now, we will make it to the future. I have fallen. Not all the way, but fallen enough to know that I want a future with my girl. And to be waking up to her each morning and sleeping next to her each night, will make it all the more awesome. The only thing I will make a promise to her about though, is not fighting about money. I am short, she isn't. Which in that case, I feel bad, but technically it's not her money. hahaha SO woo!
I will need some kind of help though. Friends mostly. AND TONS of partiessss. hahaha oh yeah definately.
Things are looking up for the best. I will make it through this. I have to, for Jessica. Her and Meagan are the only reasons of why I am staying. I cannot live without Meagan, I dare try not to. I still love her with a burning passion within my gut. I know it. I know it in my heart, my soul, my being. I would be lost if I lost her.
Jessica, same, But only time will tell if I can ever love another the way I love Meagan. OH and today, I realized, me and Jess's hands fit together. It shocked me and I got really scared.

Anyways,
I don't have much time on my hands lately.
-LiveLoveTy

Games

Life is like a poker game. You deal or are dealt to. It includes skill and luck. You bet, check, bluff, and raise. You learn from those you play with. Sometimes you win with a pair or lose with a full house. But whatever happens, it's best to keep on shuffling along.

For me, Life is a journey. I live by what happens & what I deal with. I do not see people as having issues. My girlfriend & I both see people as having opprotunities. When one door closes, another one opens. A path is always there, a light is always on & someone will always be waiting with an open hand.

Throughout the entire journey, my life has reared in different directions. Finally I live a life of happiness. I've never been so happy. I have nothing to complain about.

School; is amazing. I don't have to deal with mindless drama & I get my work done too fast for my own good.

Love; I've found this amazing girl who I've made plans with already. We fit. We have both fallen madly in-like with each other. ha. We share the same minds & when we kiss, it's as if I've known her my whole life. I know it's too soon to tell, but time, time stops when I'm with her. Every second, I grow more & more attached & more willing to share my life with her. She's my baby. She's my girl. Soon, she may be my love.

Family; the usual. Less fighting though. woop! & I may even go with my mom to get more tattoos. Cool huh? I think so.

Never stop smiling. It really does help.

-LiveLoveTy

Die Another Day

No one's taking my heart away. No one's taking the place of you. Even though I am miles away, You should know that I'm always true. Count the days 'til I reach the end, Week by week in a satellite. And until I am back again, All I need is to close my eyes, And I run. Run back to you. Yeah and I run, Run back to the one I love. This is the way I spent the day. Did you, too?Running back to you, And when I dream, I only see us, Do you too? Running back to you. I wish that I could go back in time, To the city that's always cold. Time to leave but we stayed inside, Moving as though our bones were old. Trapped in ice in an avalanche. Here it comes, the pulse pounds and I'm ready to go. Mind fills up and it races fast, But it's erased the moment you close your eyes. You'll say"Is it really you or am I dreaming?" You're not dreaming Meet me in the dreamworld tonight.



I'm gonna close my body now.
-LiveLoveTy

Finally

For once in my life, I am happy with someone. I am fully aware of my past, present & soon to be future.

She is different & I love it.
I am in-full-like right now.
For some odd reason.

I'm happy. Be happy for me.
-LiveLoveTy